Dilbert’s rules of order
By FW • Oct 25th, 2005 • Category: Archief- I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day.
Tomorrow is not looking good either. - I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they
make as they go flying by. - Tell me what you need, and I’ll tell you how to get along without it.
- Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.
- Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they aren’t there
the first time, chances are you won’t be needing them again. - I don’t have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.
- Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky, and I thought to myself,
where the heck is the ceiling? - My reality check bounced.
- On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
- I don’t suffer from stress. I am a carrier.
- You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
- Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you are crunchy and
taste good with ketchup. - Everybody is somebody else’s weirdo.
- Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience.
- A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.
- Don’t be irreplaceable — if you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
- After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.
- The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
- You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
- Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen
to you the rest of the day. - If it wasn’t for the last minute, nothing would get done.
- When you don’t know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
- Following the rules will not get the job done.
- When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing
it to the question, “How would the Lone Ranger handle this?”
